Love Hina: BakaFictions to Go
by GYRAX
Summary: Keitaro's a Ghostbuster? Motoko's fighting a piñata? Shinobu can breakdance? What the heck? READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! Chapter 9 is now up!
1. Who Ya Gonnna Call? KEITARO URASHIMA!

Note: I do not own Love Hina or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: These bits of fan fiction are completely strewn with random and mindless humor. Read at your own risk.

GYRAX Presents…

Love Hina: BakaFictions to Go

Chapter 1: Who Ya Gonnna Call? KEITARO URASHIMA!

"AW! I'M GONNA SCREAM! It's no fun reading this old horseracing newspaper!" Mitsune Konno, or "Kitsune" as she's called, sighed as she lay on her back on the floor in her room; it was littered with stuff. She began to roll back and forth. "I just wish there was something fun to do around here."

She lies on her back again. She holds her right hand by her right ear. In Episode 13, she would overhear Naru and Keitaro studying. Not this time. Instead, she was met with complete silence. This made her irritated. "Dammit! I can't even hear a decent conversation!"

She sits up and holds her chin. "Well I have an idea that can help me kill time. It may seem a bit childish, but at least it's better than doing nothing." Her seemingly closed right eye twinkles.

Keitaro was busy studying in his oh-so-lavish manager's room. He just couldn't get this one problem. "DAMMIT! This sucks! Maybe if I… no, forget that. Perhaps… nah, that wouldn't work. Or maybe… hah! If I put that down, I'd burn in Hell!"

Keitaro angrily stands up. "GOD-(bleep)-DAMMIT! I'm calling Naru!" Before he was going to open the door, he paused. Then he sat back down in front of his books. "No, I can't! I have to solve this problem on my own!"

Little did the three-time ronin know, Kitsune was just outside his door, ready to do something stupid.

"NYAAAAAAAP!" Kitsune ran across the hall and disappeared from sight.

Back in the manager's room, Keitaro sits petrified by the weird sound outside. He goes back to studying.

Kitsune sneaks back to Kietaro's door. "NYAAAAAAAAAAP!" She runs across the hall and disappears again.

A spooked Keitaro looks at the door separating his room from the hallway. He goes back to studying.

Kitsune sneaks back to Kietaro's door. "NYAAAAAAAAAAP!" She runs across the hall and disappears again.

Keitaro looks at the door again. Then he goes back to studying.

Kitsune sneaks back to Kietaro's door. "NYAAAAAAAAAAP!" She runs across the hall and disappears again.

Rinse and repeat. Then rinse and repeat again.

Keitaro is pissed now. So he goes to his closet and takes something out.

Kitsune sneaks back to Kietaro's door. Before she did anything, the door swung open, and Keitaro stormed out.

"Who ya gonna call? ME, BEE-YOTCH!"

Now, Kitsune sweats like crazy. She took a close look at the ronin and saw that he was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform and packing a seriously badass stun baton. Needless to say he would make Dan Aykroyd proud. Kitsune was about to panic.

But then Keitaro spoke. "It's official, Kitsune. This place is haunted. I'm going to find that ghost and ZAP HIS ECTOPLASMIC ASS TO HADES BELOW!"

With that declaration, he ran across the hall and turned to his right, where Kitsune can't see him.

"Dammit! What was I thinking? I made Keitaro think there a ghost in here. I gotta tell him!" But it was too late.

From the distance, she heard a zapping sound. She hurried across the hallway to see that the landlord/Ghostbuster wannabe had accidentally zapped Shinobu to a black charcoal crisp.

"OH, MY GOD! I ZAPPED SHINOBU!" He runs over to the junior high student, who was burnt and swirly-eyed. "SHINOBU! PLEASE SPEAK TO ME!"

Shinobu just lied there.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! THE LIFE OF A FRIEND HAS BEEN TAKEEEEEEEEEEEEN!"

"Actually, sempai, I'm just fine…"

"I SHALL AVENGE YOU!"

Fifteen minutes and a zap-fried lobby later…

"KEITARO, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!"

"Sssssssshhhhhhhhh! Quiet, Naru. There a ghost lurking about."

Needless to say, Naru booted him straight to the Exosphere.

Evening passed. Keitaro was dragging is Bill Murray-impersonating ass and his stun baton, which was bent into a U-Shape, back to the Hinata Sou. Who ya gonna call… Someone else."

And he didn't even have supper.

End Chapter 1

Nothing like random humor to cheer someone up, eh?

If I receive enough reviews, I'll put up chapter 2.

_Duel to the Death? Motoko Aoyama vs. a Mexican party favor._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

Author's Notes:

I got the idea from back in high school. I knew this one dude who used to sneak up to the room where the school's Anime Club was held. He stood right next to the door, and he always made a "NYAAAAAAP!" sound. Quickly after, he dashed like hell across the hallways. At least, that's what I remember.

GYRAX


	2. Duel to the Death? Motoko Aoyama vs a Me

I would like to thank everyone out there for the reviews. I really appreciate it.

Note: I do not own Love Hina or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: These bits of fan fiction are completely strewn with random and mindless humor. Read at your own risk.

GYRAX Presents…

Love Hina: BakaFictions to Go

Chapter 2: Duel to the Death? Motoko Aoyama vs. a Mexican Party Favor

"WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS!" Motoko was blindfolded, with Sarah and Su pushing her out of the Hinata Sou and into Haruka's Teahouse.

"We cannot tell you!" Su exclaimed, happily as usual. "It's a surprise!"

"It was MY idea." Sarah added with pride.

They continued to push the young kendoist to the teahouse, where everyone was waiting in anticipation.

The teahouse had banners, streamers, and balloons everywhere. Well, the balloons hit the ceiling, but you could see the really, really, really long strings hanging at the end. At the center of the teahouse hung a piñata, shaped like a flamboyantly colored animal.

"The piñata is an American and Mexican tradition. They usually have these at their birthday parties. It was Sarah's idea." Said Keitaro behind the party favor.

When they stopped pushing Motoko, she stood a good distance away from the party favor.

Out of nowhere, Sarah shouted, "LOOK! KEITARO'S DOING SOMETHING PERVERTED AGAIN!"

Motoko couldn't see, so she aimed the wooden sword straight at the piñata. "Urashima, you slime ball! Eat this! SECRET TECHNIQUE ROCK SPLITTING SWORD!" She sent a blast of air at the party favor, but it just swung to the ceiling, where the balloons were. It then swung back and hit Motoko across the chin.

The confused, blindfolded samurai just recovered and faced the flamboyant animal again. "Is that how you want it? Huh? SECTRET TECHNIQUE BLAZING WIND! She sent another blast of air at the party favor, but it just swung to the ceiling, where the balloons were. It then swung back and hit Motoko across the chin again.

"Alright! You're pissing me off, here! ESSENCE OF THE SHINMEI SCHOOL EVIL CUTTING SWORD SECOND FORM!" She sent a gigantic blast of air at the party favor, but sent the entire teahouse collapsing to the ground. The balloons escaped and floated into the sky, where they hit the upper atmosphere and popped due to the lack of air pressure.

Everyone emerged from the rubble. Motoko removed her blindfold and sees that she caused a great deal of damage to Haruka's teahouse. All she could say was "OH SH-------T!"

Then she looked at Keitaro, a little scuffled from the collapse. Her face turns vermilion with rage. "THIS AIN'T OVER YET, URASHIMA!" She chased after Keitaro.

Haruka just watched in frustration. She turns to Naru. "You know you guys have to pay for this, right?"

The next day, the Hinata Sou crew had to hold up a "Save Haruka's Teahouse" fundraiser, selling _Raimuiro Senkitan_ DVDs, Bob Dylan audiocassettes, and Ranting Lewis Black action figures.

For some people (especially Keitaro), Motoko's 17th birthday had sucked… in a big way.

End Chapter 2

Nothing like random humor to cheer someone up, eh?

Now review, dammit! If you do, I'll put up chapter 3.

_You Got Served! (By a Junior High School Student)_

Author's Notes:

For those of you that don't know, Motoko's birthday is December 1st.


	3. You Got Served By a Junior High School S

I would like to thank everyone out there for the reviews. I really appreciate it.

To Pockygirl 2002- I like the idea. I thought of something else, but your idea is much better. I'll give you full credit for this one.

Note: I do not own Love Hina or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: These bits of fan fiction are completely strewn with random and mindless humor. Read at your own risk.

GYRAX Presents…

Love Hina: BakaFictions to Go

Chapter 3: You Got Served! (By a Junior High School Student)

"You better make it shine, Keitaro." Naru watched the landlord wash the floor on the second story, making sure he didn't slack off. Too bad he didn't wear his glasses today.

"Didn't I already wash this floor?" the landlord replied as he moved the washcloth towards Shinobu's room.

"You washed it, all right, but you didn't give it any shine. I want to see my reflection on this wood." She knelt down and looked at the floor to look for her reflection.

Keitaro suddenly stood up and marched towards Naru. "Are you screwed up in the head or something!" He made not have made it shine, but he made it slippery, and he found out the hard way. His right foot slipped and he began to fall backwards. "WAAARGH! I NEED SUPPORT!" He grabbed Naru's left arm to keep balance, but he just took her down with him.

Purely out of writer's convenience, Shinobu walked out of her room to investigate. What she saw had shocked her… to the max!

Naru, somehow, managed to be sitting on Keitaro's chest with her legs spread out. Needless to say, it was an embarrassing position, especially with the fact that she was wearing a skirt, today.

"SEMPAI, HOW COULD YOU!" shouted the junior high student.

The three-time ronin looked at her with an "Oh (bleep)!" look on his face. He knew he was in trouble.

"SEMPAI, HOW COULD YOU LET NARU DEFILE YOU LIKE THAT AFTER ALL SHE SAID ABOUT HOW BEING A PERVERT WOULD BE THE DEATH OF YOU!"

All Naru could say was, "WHAT THE F--------K!"

"Naru! I never knew you were a moral hypocrite, and that you would go through such measures to get Sempai! For that, I CHALLENGE YOU TO A GRANDIOSE-SCALE BREAKDANCE-A-THON! BRING ON ALL YOUR BABY SUICIDES, MASTER SWIPES, 1990s, AND HEADSPINS-INTO-TERROWRIST-HOLLOWBACKS, BEE-YOTCH!" Shinobu storms out of the hallway, only to slip and fall face first on the floor.

Later, in front of the Hinata Sou, Keitaro and Naru walked out of the building to see a heavily focused Shinobu standing on a really big cardboard square next to a silver Sony CFD-S300 CD Radio Cassette Recorder Boombox. Her eyes were clearly on Naru.

Naru gave the landlord a blank look. "Did I ever remember accepting this challenge?"

"Well, not really." He said with an equally blank look.

"We're outside of the house, so I can't back down." She walked to Shinobu.

The rest of the crew watched with a mix of shock, amazement, and confusion.

Motoko was just confused. "Shinobu's unusually bold today. And I didn't know she knew Capoeira."

"That's because Shinomu's powered by Jesus Juice!" Su was cheerful as usual. She was doing a lot of other vague and done-to-frickin-death Michael Jackson references.

"This is gonna be more fun than when I saw Star Wars: Episode III on its premiere date!" Kitsune exclaimed excitedly.

Motoko just looked at her. "You're a nerd?"

"Did I say anything?"

Back at the cardboard square, which Shinobu miraculously found in some random place, the two contestants were staring at one another, Shinobu with the focus of a warrior, and Naru with a "Why the hell did this happen to me?" look.

"If you win, Naru, I'll let you off the hook." Shinobu declared. "But if you lose, you'll let me have Keitaro for a whole week, while you go out with Mutsumi!"

That statement threw everyone into shock, the extreme kind, too, especially Naru, because she was the one that was going to be seen as a lesbian by the entire flipping city.

And Kitsune had the audacity to say, "I think Naru's in some major (bleep)."

Naru walked off the cardboard while Shinobu turned the CD player on. Random Hip-Hop blares from its speakers. (Or that breakdancing song from _Robot Chicken_, for those of you out there who have actually seen it.) Shinobu stood on one hand with her legs pointed forward. She held it for five seconds.

Five seconds was long enough for everyone put an all-new look of shock and amazement on their faces, their jaws almost hit the floor. Naru's jaws already hit the floor.

"How the hell am I supposed to counter that!"

Shinobu stood back up and crossed her arms, waiting for Naru's turn.

Naru entered the square, irritated. "What am I supposed to do, the robot?" With a short pause, she advanced forward, only to trip on her two feet. Now she's sliding across the giant square, spinning on her back, while screaming her head off.

Naru regained composure and stood back up. She stood off the cardboard a square quickly, allowing Shinobu to have her turn.

_If that ain't a fluke, I don't know what is._ Shinobu thought as she advanced to the square. Immediately, she dove backwards and used her hands to support herself. It quickly turned into a headspin.

While spinning, a shoe fell off her right foot and made contact with Keitaro's eye. Too bad he didn't wear his glasses today.

Not knowing about her shoe, she stopped spinning and her back flopped to the ground. Then, she performed a flawless Valdez walkover and stood back up. It didn't take long to see that Keitaro had his eyes closed in extreme pain and was stumbling towards her.

The landlord walked to the cardboard square, not seeing where he was going. His right foot slipped and he began to fall backwards. "WAAARGH! I NEED SUPPORT!" He grabbed Shinobu's left arm to keep balance, but he just took her down with him.

Shinobu, somehow, managed to be sitting on Keitaro's chest with her legs spread out. Needless to say, it was an embarrassing position, especially with the fact that she was wearing one of those dresses with the hoodie on, today.

"Oh no! Now _I_ defiled Sempai!" She stood up and ran a few feet away, embarrassed to the extreme.

"KEITARO, YOU SLIMEBALL!" Naru approached the landlord with demonic intentions.

"HAH! I don't think so!" Keitaro jumped a few feet away. Suddenly, he produced a bomb out of nowhere. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALI…"

**BLAAAAAAAM! **The bomb exploded on his face, making it a nice and charcoal-colored. Apparently, the idiot forgot that he already lit the fuse.

And the day ended without any future lesbian subtext.

End Chapter 3

Nothing like random humor to cheer someone up, eh? (I'm going to hell for this chapter.)

Review this shizz-nite, and I'll lay down chapter 4.

_Sleepy Time Naru, Complete with Snoring Action._


	4. Sleepy Time Naru, Complete with Snoring

Note: I do not own Love Hina or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: These bits of fan fiction are completely strewn with random and mindless humor. Read at your own risk.

GYRAX Presents…

Love Hina: BakaFictions to Go

Chapter 4: Sleepy Time Naru, Complete with Snoring Action

"Naru's fallen asleep, and looks like Keitaro isn't too interested in studying anymore." Kitsune said with enthusiasm while she, Su, and Shinobu were looking through their respective holes, drilled through Kitsune's wall.

They saw Keitaro looking deep into Naru's closed eyes.

"He's going for it!" Kitsune said excitedly, as the landlord's lips closed in on hers.

"He's gonna kiss her!" Su added.

"I'm sure Keitaro wouldn't kiss Naru." Shinobu grew increasingly nervous. "Oh, dear!"

As Keitaro's lips were just centimeters away, he suddenly pulled his head away and shook it, as if he was trying to kick a disturbing thought out of his head.

"Come on, Keitaro, be a man!" Kitsune quickly added.

The three-time ronin positioned his lips over hers quickly enough to startle Su and Shinobu. Then, his lips drew closer… closer… closer… closer… then finally…

"**WAKE UP, NARUSEGAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"** His scream was so loud, that it shook the entire pink-roofed complex.

Our three peepers next door regained their composure and stood back up.

"He can't kiss to save his own life," Kitsune said. "But he can scream like hell!" All three peepers left the room.

The fact that Naru still wasn't awake threw Keitaro off a bit. He waited for a few seconds. Then, he became irritated. "Dammit! It didn't work! I guess this is what you get for studying all night without tea or coffee. I on the other hand, have Bawls."

Kitsune overheard this from the hall. "No you don't! You can't even kiss anybody." She said to herself, mistaking that certain highly caffeinated guarana drink for something else.

Suddenly, the door opened. Kitsune panicked quickly. "Oh, f-----k!"

Keitaro looked at her in confusion for a few seconds. Then, he said, "I'm having a hard time waking Naru up. It's past 11:30 and she's still asleep."

"Waking her up?"

"Yeah, maybe you can help me out, here."

"Well, I have an idea."

(Flashback)

Kitsune was lazing in the living room, watching _Weekend at Bernie's II_.

(End flashback)

"Well, maybe not. I have a better idea."

Later, in Su's room…

"EXPERIMENT BEGIN!" Kitsune looked at Naru, who was strapped to some medical table. Su and Sarah stood beside her.

"Here we go!" Su exclaimed cheerfully. A machine slowly approached Naru's left side. An arm came out and put a device that looked like a shiny metallic box to her left temple. It then slowly retreated to the darkness.

Kitsune looked at Su. "You could've put that in, yourself."

"And you call yourself a sci-fi fanatic?" Sarah replied. "Don't you know that when a machine does something, it looks so much cooler?"

"You have a point, there."

"Procedure complete! Time for a test run!" Su produced a remote control and handed over to Kitsune. "Here you go. With this remote, you can control all of Naru's movements, her arms, her legs, and her torso, whatever. I call it THE HUMAN ACTION FIGURE PROJECT!"

Kitsune looks at the remote in her hands with awe. "Awww, KICKASS MOTHERF---ER! Now what to do?"

She began to fidget with the remote while Naru did a whole series of neat stuff. "All right! Left hook! Right hook! Back flip! Pick up Sarah! Do the Worm! OBLIGATORY PANTY SHOT HIGH KICK!"

Kitsune paused to see Naru's right foot high into air. "DAYAMN! She can kick high! Are those Battlestar Galactica panties?"

"Where the hell could she have gotten those!" Sarah just could not stop herself.

Suddenly, the door swung open, and an angry Keitaro stormed in the room. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THREE THINK YOU'RE DOING!"

Kitsune just pouted. "Aww, man. Here comes the mean old landlord to ruin our fun!"

"What fun! You were supposed to help me wake her up, not do… um… what ARE you doing?"

"The Human Action Figure Project!" Su replied.

"The obligatory panty shot high kick!" Kitsune added. "You haven't lived until you've seen one!"

The landlord just gave her a blank look. "I think I've seen plenty of those."

Su produced the remote from nowhere. "OBLIGATORY PANTY SHOT HIGH KICK, GO!"

Unfortunately, Kitsune was in the path of Naru's right foot, and she was sent through the roof and to the ionosphere.

"Sorry, Kitsune!"

"No probleeeeeeeem!" Kitsune's voiced echoed, as she returned from orbit and crashed through the roof. "DAYAMN! What a trip!"

Keitaro's face turned red, and he just could not stop himself. "Are those Battlestar Galactica panties?" After a short pause, he walked over and took the device off her head.

Sarah pushed Keitaro, making him fall on top of Naru's sleeping body. She turns to Kitsune. "You gotta learn to improvise." She sees the landlord lying on top of Naru.

Naru finally wakes up, as if she didn't want to wake up until Keitaro did something perverted. "What the hell?"

Keitaro quickly panicked and jumped a few feet away. "Oh (bleep)!"

Naru just smiled at him. "You know, I'm glad you did something perverted, today."

"Huh?"

Naru carried the three-time ronin downstairs. "All week, I just couldn't find an excuse to try out my new mail-order circus cannon."

Keitaro said to himself, "What's the world coming to if Naru won't even do her own dirty work?"

End Chapter 4

Nothing like random humor to cheer someone up, eh?

Zzzzzzzzzzzz… oh yeah… review… Chapter 5

_Ki-Tsu-Ne-Oh!_


	5. KiTsuNeOh!

Note: I do not own Love Hina or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: These bits of fan fiction are completely strewn with random and mindless humor. Read at your own risk.

GYRAX Presents…

Love Hina: BakaFictions to Go

Chapter 5: Ki-Tsu-Ne-Oh!

Kitsune sits in her room, holding what looked like a deck of cards. She puts a demonic kind of evil grin on her face, and runs out of her room, shouting, "Let's rock them bee-yotches!"

"Don't worry, Naru." Keitaro said. "I already had them disciplined for using you as a guinea pig for their Human Action Figure Project."

"Well, I hope for your own good that it doesn't happen again."

"I've already taken a few extra steps…"

"**HEY, KEITAROOOOOOOOOOOOO!**" The scream had the landlord shooting up through the roof, and beyond the Troposphere. Kitsune popped out and assessed the damage. "Damn! I sent him sky high!"

"Kitsune!" Naru said angrily. "What the hell was that for!"

"The sake of humor." The sly fox replied.

The three-time ronin crashes back to Earth. After a few seconds, he gets up and throws a demonic look at Kitsune in front of Him. "WHAT THE FUNKIN WHACKO WAS THAT FOR!"

"The sake of humor." The sly fox replied. "By the way, I have a new card battle game I think you should try out. Wanna try?"

"Nope. I already have issues with all that _Magic: The Gathering_, _Yu-Gi-Oh!_, _Kaijudo_ bullcrap as it is." Keitaro replied.

"Oh, but this one's different." Kitsune added casually. "This one is… _Ki-Tsu-Ne-Oh!_" She holds a deck of cards above her head and says, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" You see lightning all over the background.

Keitaro just gives her a blank look. "How could that be innovative if the title alone spells 'doom through litigation'?"

Kitsune responds by piercing Keitaro's eyes with her own. "If you tell Kazuki Takahashi OR Konami about this, I swear I'll make you eat your own f—king glasses!"

"All right! I won't tell anyone! I don't WANT to eat my own f—king glasses."

"Good. LET'S PLAY!"

"Um… what's going on here?" Naru asked.

Later, Kitsune and Keitaro had their own set of cards, ready for them lay down on the dining room table.

"Ready, Keitaro?"

"Well, sort of."

Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno: 2000 HP

Keitaro Urashima: 2000 HP

"Your move first, Keitaro." Kitsune said.

The landlord pulled a card from his deck and put it face-up on the table. He couldn't believe it. "Budweiser? This is an alcohol-themed card battle game?"

"Nice card. Too bad I have a countermeasure." Kitsune puts a card on the table that had a picture of a Miller Lite bottle on it.

"Miller Lite?" Keitaro responded.

"Yep. It's less calories and less carbs."

Keitaro puts another card on the table. "Bud Light?"

"Less carbs but not as much taste as Miller."

"Budweiser Select?"

"A pathetic attempt on Anheuser-Busch's part to overthrow Miller Lite. Statistics and a commercial show."

"Ok, that's total bullcrap!"

"I think I'll attack, now. Ginjo-Shu, a type of Sake."

"Crap." Keitaro said. "What else do I have, here?" He looks at his next card with disbelief. "Tsingdao! What the hell!"

Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno: 1375 HP

Keitaro Urashima: 640 HP

This is Kitsune's game, after all.

"Okay…" Keitaro said, putting another card at the table. "Red Bordeaux 2001 Lacoste-Borie?"

"All right, I'll attack, now." The sly fox said, putting another card on the table. "Sweet! I got a White Bordeaux 1976 Chateau d'Yquem! You're done for, Keitaro!"

Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno: 875 HP

Keitaro Urashima: 50 HP

"You have one more turn before it's over. What now, Keitaro?" Kitsune said with a grin.

"Ah, hell." Keitaro pulls out a card, and now he starts to grin.

"Whatcha looking so cocky for?" Kitsune said in slight confusion.

Keitaro slams his last card on the table. "ELECTROMAGNET CARD! This turns my Red Bordeaux 2001 Lacoste-Borie into a Red Bordeaux 1959 Margaux, which pwns your White Bordeaux 1976 Chateau d'Yquem, BEE-YOTCH!"

"**OH, MY GOD! WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU!**" Kitsune screamed as she pointed towards Keitaro.

The landlord looks behind him and sees nothing, and when he turns his head forward again, he finds out that Kitsune was gone. He fell for a cheap-ass tactic. All he did, though, was speak to himself. "Well, I would probably do something stupid like that if I lost my own game."

In front of the Hinata Sou, Kanako and Mutsumi were waging war against an army of evil Green Berets, or Girl Scouts if you like to call them that.

Kanako grew increasingly irritated. "Is this the only part in this stupid fic I'm ever going to get!"

Mutsumi was cheerful as usual. "Something tells me that our time will come soon."

Kanako took those few words and thought for a second. Then something clicked in her head. "Oh, no! No no no no no no NO NO NO NO!"

End Chapter 5

Nothing like random humor to cheer someone up, eh?

(You got to admit, that was a clever way to address Kitsune's drinking problem.)

Hand down those reviews and I'll lay down Chapter 6

_A.D.D. and A.D.H.D.: There's a difference!_


	6. Gimme Some Sugar Baby!

Note: I do not own Love Hina or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: These bits of fan fiction are completely strewn with random and mindless humor. Read at your own risk.

GYRAX Presents…

Love Hina: BakaFictions to Go

Chapter 6: Gimme Some Sugar Baby!

It was past 9:00 PM at the Hinata Sou.

Keitaro was busy studying in his oh-so-lavish manager's room. He just couldn't get this one problem. "DAMMIT! This sucks! Maybe if I… no, forget that. Perhaps… nah, that wouldn't work. Or maybe… hah! If I put that down, I'd burn in Hell!"

Keitaro angrily stands up. "GOD-(bleep)-DAMMIT! I'm calling Naru!" Before he was going to open the door, he paused. Then he sat back down in front of his books. "No, I can't! I have to solve this problem on my own!"

The three-time ronin sat in the middle in the room, surrounded by full bottles of Bawls (you know, the world-renowned highly-caffeinated energy drink that helped keep gamers awake for ninety-six consecutive hours at QuakeCon.), all neatly encircling him.

Enter the cheerful as usual Su. She carefully made her way across the bottles of liquid caffeine, making sure she didn't knock over any of them.

She made it over to the landlord and looked over his shoulders. "Hiya, Keitaro!"

The three-time ronin replied, "No, Su. I'm not in the mood for being tortured in unimaginable levels in the name of your sub-human experiments. I'm studying."

"I was just going to ask you what all these bottles were for." Su replied.

"They're my Bawls. I need them."

"Can I have your Bawls?"

"No, you can't have any Bawls. You don't need any. I do." Keitaro answered, irritated.

"Why do you need Bawls?" Su asked.

"So I can stay up. I want to make sure I'm awake enough to study for the exams. With all these Bawls around me, I could stay awake for three years, maybe (not that I need all of them, I just wanted to look like I planned ahead.)."

"Can I have some, please?"

"No."

"Pretty please, with two eggs and a slice of bacon?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Do you like rectal thermometers?"

"Are they edible?" Su replied.

"JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM! I need to study!" The landlord said in a pissed off tone.

Su leaves, but not without taking a bottle of the caffeinated drink with her. Keitaro was too focused on studying to notice.

Minutes later, Keitaro decided to take a break, but when he went to grab another bottle, he knew something was amiss. He saw a wet ring on the floor where a bottle was supposed to be. Needless to say, he was pissed, again. "Where the hell is Bottle #24!" His dense self took ten seconds to realize what he should have in an instant. "SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

He made a mad dash upstairs to Su's room, but when he made it, it was too late; Su had already drunk most of the contents of the stolen bottle. In that instant, the three-time ronin experienced a whole new dimension of fear he had never been through before. "**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**"

The caffeine instantly kicked in Su's already hyperactive body. She began to feel strange, like a koala-bear crapped a rainbow in her brain. Then, Su's eyes shimmered and she looked at Keitaro. "Meep-meep!" She ran out of her room so fast, all you could see was a trail of fire.

She came back three seconds later with an array of different kinds of ray guns and dropped them all on the floor. "UNLEASH!" She produced a remote and pressed a big red button.

At that moment, the Hinata Sou glowed so brightly, that you could see the light from outer f—king space!

The next morning, Su woke up (who knows how she slept) and walked downstairs in hope of having more of that kick-ass cooking, courtesy of Shinobu. Before she went to the lobby, however, she saw a shocked Kitsune frozen in her place. She went to see what was going on and saw what could be considered a wee-bit out of character.

Keitaro Urashima was pimpin' in a red 1967 Dodge Charger. Usher featuring Lil' John was blaring from its stereo system. He looked at what used to be Naru Narusegawa, but now is a giant sports drink bottle with a picture of her face on the label. He was talking to it! "Hey! Hey! Yo soy El Grand-o Smokio. And make it quick, too, uncle f--ka!"

Something escaped Kitsune's mouth. "What… the… HELL!"

Su went up to the giant sports drink bottle that was Naru with concern on her face. "Oh the poor thing. Now she's Mango flavored."

"What happened here!" Kitsune asked.

"Well," Su hestitated. "Last night, I had too much caffeine and I activated a lot of my inventions at once. I went completely out of control. I had no idea this would happen."

"Well, you should be lucky that at least this place ain't blown to pieces! I hope everyone else is all right."

They both rush out of the lobby. When they reached the hot springs, they saw Motoko at the corner, dressed like a hippie and surrounded by incense burners.

The former samurai now turned flower child looked at them with a cool look in her eyes. "I looked into my past life and found out that I used to be a gay Chinese Warlord." She saw concern in both their eyes. "Don't be so tense. Calm down and sit next to me. We'll all smell of cheap candles and sing Aimee Mann songs. It'll be great."

They quickly dashed to the dining room and saw Shinobu. The junior high student looked normal and acted normal. Hell, she walked normal. They both breathed a sigh of relief.

Su approached Shinobu. "Hi, Shinomu!"

"joH'a' 'oH wIj DevwI' jIH DIchDaq Hutlh pagh"

"Holy crizzap! Shinobu was speaking Klingon!" Kitsune replied with a surprised look on her face.

"It sounded like she was preparing for war!" Su added. A thought came to her head that said that she might have finally crossed the line. _Oh no! What have I done! This whole place has gone to hell! I have to do something!_

"One thing was bothering me." Kitsune said. "Why is it that we're normal?"

"Because," Su responded. "I was the one that caused this, and you were drunk; you didn't remember what happened last night."

"That makes sense… sort of. All right! Su, you find a way to reverse this. I'm going to run around the house and panic." With that in mind, Kitsune went upstairs, screaming her head off.

Su thought for a second until she remembered an old cliché. "I GOT IT!" She went back to her room (You could hear Kitsune still screaming in the background.). She found that same remote and pressed the red button.

At that moment, the Hinata Sou glowed so brightly, that you could see the light from outer f—king space!

A few minutes and a lot of confusion-induced extra chaos later, all the residents gathered at the dining room table, with Su standing at the end of the room. She slowly approached the table. You could hear Kitsune still screaming in the background.

"Is everyone all right?" Su asked.

There was a long moment of silence. Everyone was staring at Su, thrown off a little by her state of concern. Naru Narusegawa, Ranked #1 in the Tokyo University mock exams opened her mouth and said…

"1 plus 1 equals… Greg Maddox."

"…"

End Chapter 6

Nothing like random humor to cheer someone up, eh? (Hell, here I come.)

Now review and I will put up Chapter 7.

_The $$60 000 000 000 Teahouse Owner_


	7. The 60 000 000 000 Teahouse Owner

Note: I do not own Love Hina or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: These bits of fan fiction are completely strewn with random and mindless humor. Read at your own risk.

GYRAX Presents…

Love Hina: BakaFictions to Go

Chapter 7: The $60 000 000 000 Teahouse Owner

Late in the afternoon, at the Hinata Sou…

Haruka puts a fresh new ammo clip in her Beretta M92F; she quickly aims it at a random Yakuza dude. The guy stops in his tracks and slowly raises his arms up.

The teahouse owner walks over to him with utmost caution, making sure he didn't do anything stupid, she stopped at least ten feet from him. "Okay, douchebag, what the hell is it, now?"

"You know very damn well that the fisherman's wharf is Yakuza territory. What the hell gives you the right to just barge in, shoot all the lights out, and make the boss bark like Ben Stein?" He still has his hands up.

"Goblinsayswhat?"

"What? Wait… DOH!"

"I'm a bounty hunter; it's my job." Haruka replied. "Now be a good boy and stand still, or I'll shoot." She slowly aims her pistol straight at his head. A long pause ensues as the teahouse owner stares down the random Yakuza guy with a cool gaze. The guy stands absolutely motionless, as he knows what would happen if he did something stupid, yet he's trying to figure out why she doesn't just cuff him.

A puff of smoke escapes Haruka's cigarette as she keeps the pistol pointed at him, holding it perfectly still. Then, she throws the gun like a boomerang, smacking him dead in the eye.

As the man writhes in pain, Haruka approaches him with her usual cool attitude. "There's something that you need to know, pal." She pauses, expecting an answer, but the guy just looks at her. "This world… is made of love and peace." She makes a V-sign with her fingers and holds it, the sun shining behind her.

End Chapter 5

Nothing like random humor to cheer someone up, eh?

(I have to say this was a short chapter.)

Review. Chapter 8.

_Setamyhexylllprofen_


	8. Setamyhexyllprofen

Note: I do not own Love Hina or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: These bits of fan fiction are completely strewn with random and mindless humor. Read at your own risk.

GYRAX Presents…

Love Hina: BakaFictions to Go

Chapter 8: Setamyhexyllprofen

It was 8:30 PM; Naru and Keitaro were going out of the Hinata Sou, on a date? Maybe. They were descending down the stairs when they saw Seta at the bottom, with his usual creepy smile.

"Hey, Seta." Keitaro said as the twosome went to the bottom of the stairs. He looked at a bag Seta was holding in his left hand. "What's with the baggy?"

"Oh, this?" Seta responded, with frightening optimism. "My doctor said I needed to take these to take the edge off." He takes a pill out of the bag. "Archaeology has stressed me the hell out, so I take one of these to make sure I don't have an aneurysm. It's a Horse Tranquilizer pill."

Naru and Keitaro look at each other. "Horse Tranquilizer!"

Seta points to a random tree. "If I take enough, a gateway over there will open and an elf on a Manchester terrier will come out. He says the key to eternal happiness is always a good cookie. I think he works for Keebler."

Naru and Keitaro huddle.

"I think he's taken the proverbial leap off the deep end." Keitaro whispered.

"At least he's not pissed." Naru said without missing a beat.

"I think Seta needs help. Quickly, lets get out of here." Keitaro whispered back.

"Right." Naru responded.

They both walk casually away from the steps. Seta looks at them. "Where are you guys going?"

"Umm…" Keitaro said. "We love the Red Hot Chili Peppers."

"Yeah, that's right." Naru added. "The Red Hot Chili Peppers."

They both walked off; Seta watches them. "… So do I."

Later, at a Mexican restaurant, Keitaro breathed fire, burning Naru's face to a nice black crisp. "Now, let's go help Seta."

End Chapter 8

Nothing like random humor to cheer someone up, eh? (I'm going to hell for this chapter.)

II0/ R3/13! CI-I4PT3R 9!

_Satan's Last Name is MacDougal_


	9. Satan’s Last Name is MacDougal

Note: I do not own Love Hina or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: These bits of fan fiction are completely strewn with random and mindless humor. Read at your own risk.

GYRAX Presents…

Love Hina: BakaFictions to Go

Chapter 9: Satan's Last Name is MacDougal.

A word of wisdom to those new to the Hinata Sou: be careful when you enter Su's room because an evil presence lurks there. It isn't Su, hell no! It's none other than Sarah MacDougal, the Gaijin of doom and despair. She was looking for trouble as always, but this time she didn't intend on letting Su know what she was up to. She took a flask of mysterious clear substance and quietly snuck out of the room.

Later, the Hinata crew was sitting at the dining room table, except for Sarah, which she was peeking behind a wall. "Heh-heh. What Naru doesn't know is that I drugged her Mellow Yellow with a fluid that was even rejected by Su because if consumed, it can… oh, she's drinking it, now!"

Naru had a sip of the green soda and put it back on the table. "Now about that electric bill, I was thinking… oh… I was thinking Keitaro should… oh."

Sarah watched with glee. "It's taking effect already."

"Naru? Are you all right?" Kitsune said.

"Yeah, I just felt weird… oh!" She began to close her eyes and her face turned red as a stop sign. Then she looked down and she started to breathe rapidly and heavily and she was drumming the tabletop.

"My God!" Keitaro exclaimed. "She has asthma!"

"ON TOP OF OL SMOOOOOOKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!" Naru screamed on the top of her lungs.

"Well," Keitaro said, dumbfounded. "That was weird."

"Not good." Kitsune said. "Whenever she screams that, that means she just had an orgasm!"

Blood shot out of Keitaro's nose with the pressure of a fire hose, causing him to actually float in the air.

Keitaro was later hospitalized and needed a blood transfusion to survive, while Naru had to live with having just masturbated in front of everyone from Sarah's satanic prank. Speaking of Sarah, a hawk swooped down and carried her off into the horizon.

End Chapter 8

Nothing like random humor to cheer someone up, eh? Hopefully, that's as perverted as it's going to get.

Reviewing could really motivate me to put up chapter 10.

_Mutsumi, the Yoga Instructor?_

Author's Notes:

I saw this liquor commercial that had the balls to say their product had a "sexual" taste; even their motto was "Pass the Pleasure Around". Being me, I read too much into this, and thus this bit of pitch black humor came up.

GYRAX


	10. Mutsumi, the Yoga Instructor?

Note: I do not own Love Hina or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: These bits of fan fiction are completely strewn with random and mindless humor. Read at your own risk.

------------------------------------------------------

GYRAX Presents…

Love Hina: BakaFictions to Go

Chapter 10: Mutsumi, the Yoga Instructor?

------------------------------------------------------

"Sarah, can you get the door?" Naru shouted from the second floor.

"Yeah, Yeah." Sarah responded. She went to open the front door at the lobby, but not before taking out a match and incinerating the coffee table. When she opened the door, she saw Mutsumi, cheerful as usual. "Well, if it isn't our favorite anemic."

"Hi everyone!" Mutsumi said with enthusiasm. "This is Mutsumi Otohime saying 'Don't play with fire'!"

With that, Sarah lit Mutsumi's hair ablaze.

A minute later, Keitaro and the others came down, picking up a weird scent.

"I smell something." Keitaro spoke. "I smell a smelly smell that smells… smelly."

Motoko covered her nose in disgust. "UGH! Oh, Lordy-Lordy! Something reeks of burned rubber, olive oil, and something that came out of Tom Green's ass!"

"I couldn't have said that better, myself." Kitsune added.

The Hinata crew then sees Mutsumi lying on the floor, with her hair all messy and singed.

"Hi, Mutsumi." Naru said. "Are you… all right?"

Mutsumi quickly recovered. "Oh! Yes, I am. Thanks. I just came to tell you I just became a certified Yoga instructor. If you want me to, I could teach you a few poses, beginner's poses, of course."

Later, the Hinata crew sat in front of Mutsumi on the roof; everyone was sitting pretzel style with his or her legs crossed.

Mutsumi spoke. "Everyone ready?"

They all nod their heads.

"Okay." She responded. "Now take the bottom of your right foot, and place it on the small of your back."

They followed, but not without screaming in GREAT AGONY.

Mutsumi continued. "Then, you take your left leg, and throw it over your neck like a cheap scarf."

They followed again, but not without screaming in GREAT AGONY.

Mutsumi continued. "Now put your head up your ass, and relaaaaaaaaaaaaaax." She paused for a moment. "Wow. That last part was only a joke; I never thought they'd take it literally."

Sarah pulled out a match and… **FWOOOOOOOOM!** She lit a fart; flames shot out and burnt Naru to a nice, black crisp.

Naru looked at her. "Okay, that SO wasn't cool…"

**FWOOOOOOOOM!** Sarah lit another fart; flames shot out and burnt Naru to a nicer, blacker crisp.

Keitaro turned to Su. "Su? You ever heard of 'Imitatable Acts'?"

"Joe Ezterhas." Kitsune interjected.

Suddenly, Keitaro heard a pop. "CRAP! I JUST BROKE MY ASS BONES!"

"Umm," Naru replied. "You don't have any ass bones."

"Yessuh!" Keitaro snapped back. "Three months ago, I went to the hospital because I had a FRACTURED ASS!"

"Ezterhas." Kitsune interjected.

"WHAT SHAPE AM I IN IF I CAN'T EVEN RELAX?" Keitaro cried out.

"Aah!" Mutsumi got up. "That was great. I feel like a muffin basket full of rainbow kisses!" She turns to the others. "Alright everyone! Class is over for today! Stand up and stretch!"

A momentary pause fills the air.

"What is it?" Mutsumi asked in curiosity.

Keitaro looked at her funny. "I think we should have stretched BEFORE class, because… WE'RE MOTHER----ING STUCK!" Indeed, they were, for they couldn't move from their yoga poses at all. "Add to it I just broke my ass bones!"

"I know what to do!" Mutsumi chirped.

Later, in the lobby, Naru was hung by her shirt with glitter all over her, and still in her yoga pose. You'd have to admit it: she made a pretty damn fine disco ball. "This is SO not cool."

"Everybody dance!" Mutsumi said. "Wait. That's right; you cant. Sorry about that."

Sarah pulled out a match and lit Naru on fire.

End Chapter 10

Nothing like random humor to cheer someone up, eh?

Review now and I'll put up chapter 11.

_Kanako, the Ancient Name of a Regular Hot Topic Shopper_


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